“In contrast, I maintain that those who are most spiritual instead
manifest a ‘full spectrum personality.’ In other words, these
persons are completely capable of expressing themselves in all ways,
even though the emotions may not be ones considered to be typically

From “The Pit: Memoir of an Emergency Physician”

I have tried to the best of my ability to have a positive attitude about the coronavirus pandemic. As most of you know, by nature I am an optimist. Today, though, I found myself unsettled about this cataclysmic virus for a number of reasons. First of all, I am saddened by all of the deaths and suffering we have experienced. To date, the coronavirus has infected almost four million worldwide and killed over 275,000, with many more to come. I find myself furious that our ineffective, inept leadership in America has allowed this situation to become far worse than it should have been. I am troubled by the pain inflicted on my brothers and sisters in healthcare, a number who have died from the disease trying to save the lives of others, while many more have been emotionally scarred as they watched the tragedy unfold before them.  Who could not mourn the resultant devastation of our economy and those desperate folks who are scrambling just to get by?

On a more personal level, it breaks my heart that I am unable to safely spend as much time as I would like with my soon-to-be ninety-one-year-old father.  As an emergency physician, I am far more likely to be a carrier of Covid-19 than the average person, and since testing is not readily available for me – or anyone else for that matter – my visits with him have to be limited and take place carefully.  I went to his home today for the first time in a while, and I found myself feeling proud of Dad’s resiliency and ability to care for himself.  He is a tough old man, and I hope that I have inherited at least part of his stamina. Still, I look forward to the day when I can spend more quality moments with him, and I pray to God that time doesn’t come too late.

Someday, I hope we have an effective vaccine, and our world will experience a bright new beginning, a renaissance of sorts as we move out of the darkness of this challenging conundrum. While I greatly anticipate the joy that will accompany that time, in the present moment:

I hate this damned virus. 

2 comments to Rage

  • Sue Tarr

    Yes, I too believe it is spiritual to have “Full Spectrum Personality” I once listened to Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross tell me over the phone in 1997 she thought her whole life had been a failure and she didn’t know why she was still stuck here.(She’d had a stroke in 1995 and was paralyzed on one side of her body) When I told her what a difference she’d made in my life she told me, “Oh, shut up. I don’t want to hear it!” with much emotion. She lived almost 10 years after that and went on to write more books that are gifts to all of us, but she definitely was about being real and no phony baloney, as she called it. I pray for you and your family’s well being and safety daily on Amma’s morning conference call….and I pray this virus be contained and eliminated soon. You and Sheridan are very dear to us! Love, Sue and Tom

    • Dearest Sue! I so enjoyed your comments about Dr. Kubler-Ross. She had a profound influence on me as well. Sometimes it’s a bit hard to be real, no “phony baloney” as she said, but it’s the only way to live if one wants to fully embrace the world, with all its beauty and pain. I appreciate your prayers. God knows that during this time we truly need each other. You and Tom are very dear to us as well. Much love, Gary

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